Story Behind the Picture

I just finished scrolling through my Instagram feed. I have 7 followers. I am following 2 people, my husband and his sister. Oh, and 0 posts. I scrolled through on my computer because I don't have the app on my phone.

I can't keep up. Too many apps, too many people and too much pressure to keep up.

I looked back on some of my previous blog posts for inspiration from these feelings of inadequacy. Thrive, don't survive. Off the grid... Why can't these messages have sunk in a little deeper?

***

After putting the kids to bed one evening, I had sunk into one of our brown lazy boy chairs (generously given to us secondhand from my parents) only to hear our eldest out of bed, thumping her feet as she turned the corner.

"Mommeee?!?!" her wanting voice pleaded. I don't even remember the request. I do remember my reply.

"I have nothing left to give tonight...."

My answer was returned with understanding and my child gave me a hug. She understood, as the preschool analogy goes, my bucket was empty and needed filling.

I am finding social media frequently leaves me with this feeling. Feeds filled with excitement or devastation, but not the monotony portion which fills part of my life.

I recently had pneumonia. It reminded me of those who are actually following my life. My real life. I never posted Josette's pregnancy on social media. No cyber announcement I was expecting. It was a social experiment of sorts. There were several surprised "friends" when the online birth announcement came.

Who am I following? Who is following me? Once I turn this concern from my online world to my real world, I suddenly feel less lacking.

Had I posted a picture of our Family Day adventures it would show a picture of us skating. Addisyn with me and Chris with Rylyn. Josette would be absent because she was at preschool. It wouldn't show the months of hunting buy and sell sites for a pair of used skates that would fit both older girls. Or picking up those skates after a bit of a snow flurry, from a home who didn't shovel their driveway, after a pedicure, in flipflops. It wouldn't show Chris returning a hockey helmet that didn't fit quite right to Canadian Tire.

That single picture would represent our whole day. Two laps of the ice each. Was it fun? Yes. Was it work? Yes. Enough work that there is no picture. Our day also held teaching the kids to play Old Maid, watching tv, cleaning some windows and laundry. Hardly picture worthy.

I endeavour to call to light the everyday routines (and even struggles) that make those snapshots worth sharing or celebrating. Maybe one day we will get a picture of all five of us on the ice at once. For now, 15 minutes on the ice at a time and no pictures is okay. God sees us. He sees the story behind the picture. He is following my life. Who am I following?

Hopefully Him. Lord, help me to live out my conviction to absorb myself in Your truth. Help me to follow You and in doing so, see and share the stories behind the pictures. Give me wisdom to avoid misleading information and the strength to resist judgment of others. May I live in Your joy. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

"Lord, you have examined me

    and know all about me.

You know when I sit down and when I get up.
    You know my thoughts before I think them...

God, examine me and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any bad thing in me.
    Lead me on the road to everlasting life."

-Psalm 139:1,2...23,24 - NCV